Monday 28 October 2013

Being "Nice"


"I'm just telling you the truth.  And sometimes, the truth hurts."

So said someone who was criticizing me fairly harshly, several years ago.  When I had suggested that their angry tone was less than loving, they responded with the words above.  Perhaps you’ve heard those words spoken to you before, most likely by a person who was saying something that you don’t like.    

The concept is true enough.  My beautiful two-year-old daughter poked my belly the other day, giggled, and said, “Big and soft!”

Ouch.

The truth certainly can hurt, and it will be inevitable that there will be times where we are obliged to share a truth with someone that they don’t like, and in those cases, our words can indeed be hurtful to others.

But it’s funny, I've noticed that the people in my life who are by nature tender-hearted never say things like, “Hey, sorry, but the truth hurts.”  This is because, while the truth does sometimes hurt, they still make every effort to soften their words, choosing their phrasing carefully, and do all that they can to couch the painful side of truth in love, respect, hope, and grace.  When they do cause hurt, they never blame it on “the truth,” and they make gentleness a high priority in their conversations. 

“But Jesus wasn’t ‘nice’ all the time,” I’ve heard people say in response.  “Sometimes, you’ve just got to let people know where it’s at.”

While this is true, Jesus is also Lord, with perfect motivation, perfect intentions, perfect understanding, perfect wisdom, and perfect love covering over it all.  Are you there?

There are many books, blogs and articles right now that attack the idea of "niceness" in Christians.  We have a reputation for being "nice" people - and it has become a dirty word.  Niceness implies a person who shies away from honesty and truth in the name of peace, or someone who prioritizes being liked over being sincere.  It implies a certain shallowness, to be sure.

In that sense, niceness doesn't sound great.  There is weakness depicted here, a softness of character, a spinelessness at times - all in the name of likeability.

However, consider this:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Gal 5:22-23)

We rightly point out that “niceness” isn’t on the list.  Love is, however.  Kindness is.  Gentleness is.

Yes, the truth sometimes does hurt.  And we are not called to be “nice,” per se.  But we are also not permitted to share anything, including truth, that is not surrounded by kindness, gentleness, and love. 

When we do this, even the hard truths become easier to swallow, and the hard words are softened by these qualities of God.

We can please God AND be a greater encouragement to other people.....who’d have thunk it? 

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